Sibling Relationships That Don't Work and the ... - Friends on Gather

by Cathy J.

Member since:
August 25, 2009

In my previous post on ?clarity? I mentioned the ease with which I can now let go of the negatives. In that I must include relationships that didn?t work out or just were never meant to work out. It also includes another Writing Essential because the relationship I have had to let go of is with my sibling, most all of my siblings, but most specifically, my sister Mary.

Remember that old song in ?White Christmas?, ?Sisters? well after struggling through decades of attempts at love, devotedness, friendship, basic communication or compassion my sister and I have called it quits. We share a long distance genetic component but that is all. ?Sad.? you might say. Well, I am now long past that stage. Long past the disbelief and anger, I have settled into acceptance. Sound like the stages of grief? Indeed, but as far as I am aware, she is very much alive. (I have no expectations of ever being told anything about her, her health, or her life.) That was her choice and I have stopped trying to batter down the walls she has erected be they real or imagined.

Looking back on our childhood and comparing our personalities, as people we saw things in totally different ways. We were and are opposites, physically and psychologically. My Mother told me once that Mary was just like her own sister Mary. With a rear view mirror perspective, I can see her point. I am very much more like my Mother than I ever recall Mary being. My Mother and my Aunt were also polar opposites.

I have no intention of going through a litany of hurts verbalized by she or I. There is no point and frankly I like to think that I have purposely forgotten the vast majority of them. For the most part I have?tried to forget her. I now know I deserve better.

God has blessed me with a wonderful, slightly older friend I now call my ?Sister?. My biological older sister died at birth but I would swear that my sweet ?Big Sis? from Pawtucket and I have a sisterly bond that my biological sister and I have never shared. And that also goes for my very best friend in life Marianne. So I do not lack for female closeness.

All of my sisters-in-laws and nieces in my husband?s family are my family now and have been for the longest time. It just took letting go of a losing battle at an unbendable windmill to really appreciate the wonderful blessing they are.

Oh, I still fight off an occasional reflex to call my sister and have wisely ?lost? her phone number.

So all of you who are very close to your biological siblings, especially sisters, good for you. For those of us who have learned the hard lesson that biology does not bind keep your eyes and hearts open to all the possibilities life has to offer. You know the old saying ?Where God closes a door?..He opens a window.? And the fresh air is wonderful???

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